Use the Adult Friend Litmus Test!

Friendships as an adult are hard! I seem to be having the same conversations with different people about the struggle of adult friendships.

Let's face the reality! As adults, all of us are in the process of building value in our lives. We are all at different stages when it comes to self-discovery, health, family, relationships, work, finances, etc. While we juggle a variety of responsibilities, we don't have the energy to invest in a wide circle of friends.

From my conversations, I understood that we desire friendships with people who make us feel seen, loved, and supported. We don't have the energy to waste time on superficial relationships that don't match or reciprocate our energy.

It's interesting how many of us struggle to identify good friendships and choose to connect with people based on feelings of nostalgia, irrespective of whether they treat us badly.

This being the case, I decided to share the friendship litmus test that can help you identify the friendships that are worth investing in. This is dedicated to my friends and family who deserve to be treated as kings and queens!

The Friendship Litmus Test

The test comprises a few questions that help me discern whether the friendship is healthy and contributes positivity to my life.

1. Does friendship with this person drain you?

   If you feel exhausted and emotionally drained around this person, it's time to reflect on the nature of your relationship. There are many reasons that you might experience these feelings. Does this person use you as an emotional dumping ground? Are they consistently negative and need you to constantly validate them? What is the energy that they add to your life?

   
   
   
   

2. Are your efforts reciprocated in the friendship?

   We have all been there where we are continuously chasing certain people down, and they never seem to have time for us in their lives. You find yourself initiating every interaction or plan to connect. If you stop making an effort, the friendship fades away. There must be a balance of giving and taking when it comes to good friendships.

   
   

3. Do you feel respected?

   A good friend respects your time, energy, and boundaries. They attempt to understand you through various seasons of life. Some people pretend to be your friend but subtly attack your personality, actions, and behaviors. They enhance your insecurities, compete with your victories, and prod at your wounds, which can be quite hurtful.

4. Do you feel supported and seen?

   The reality of life is that no one can be there for you all the time, but does this person consistently offer you their support when you are down? The true colours of a person are revealed during the storms in our lives. True friendships stand with you through the toughest seasons and when you are at your worst. Do they disappear when you need them the most?

   
   
   
   
   
   

   5. Can you be yourself around this person?

   A great measure of a friendship is who you present yourself as when you are in the company of a friend. Are you forced to wear a mask? Do you feel comfortable enough to be authentic without fearing ridicule, rejection, and judgment? Do you feel safe to express yourself? Do they listen and accept you for who you are?

   
   

   These are the questions that I test my friendships with, and I have walked away from many friendships that didn't work for me. Yes, my circle of friends continues to grow smaller, but I am confident that I have people who truly care for my well-being.

   
   

   At the end of the day, it's about the quality rather than the quantity of people who surround you. I hope this litmus test helps you in your quest for healthy friendships, and I hope that you know that you deserve to be celebrated and loved!