The Beauty of Being Triggered

A few words started a chain reaction within my mind and my heart. The trigger fires like a shot from a gun with a silencer. There is no warning. The pain within my heart blossoms similar to a drop of ink that is spilled into water. Despite the warning issued within my mind that I am overreacting, I experience an amplification of pain that is followed by a simultaneous shot of rage, adrenaline, and sadness. I feel the need to defend myself and while the shields around my heart are activated, my threshold for self-control is lowered. I feel the strong urge to retaliate and annihilate the source of my pain. I am absolutely triggered and I mindlessly react like an uncontrolled beast.

This is a cycle that I find myself in when I am triggered. I am sure that this is a cycle that all of us have experienced at some point in our lives. A random trigger sends us into a state of reactivity. It is unpredictable but all of us can agree that we experience an explosion of emotions that lead us to react instantaneously. During this time, we behave in an uncharacteristic manner that is often exaggerated and emotional.

I find being triggered uncomfortable because of the deep sense of shame that follows. The shame of losing control of my emotions. The shame of exposing a vulnerable part of me at random moments, especially to those who might have not intended harm. In the past, I have attempted to avoid being triggered altogether but I found myself in repetitive cycles all the same. No matter how severe I was on myself, I couldn't control being triggered. Recently, I have had a change in perspective. What if these triggers are good? What if being triggered is a blessing? Bear with me as I explain my thought process.

The reason that we are triggered is because of a deep emotional or mental wound that exists within us. The trigger process exposes this wound and allows me to acknowledge that we are wounded. This is similar to bathing in the sea and becoming aware of tiny scratches and injuries invisible to our eyes because of the burning sensation that we experience. We grow aware of the existence of unseen wounds that allow for a deeper introspection. We begin to ask questions like "Why am I being triggered?”, “why is this particular issue causing me to react so badly?” and “What is causing me to experience anger or pain or guilt?”. In other words, we begin to consciously map our trigger pathways and identify our responses to them.

We cannot always avoid what triggers us but we can learn to regulate ourselves as we go through cycles of encountering the same triggers. I have understood this as I went through these cycles myself. There is beauty and a blessing in being triggered. Though we may want to run away from this uncomfortable process it is also a part of our journey of healing and self-love.