Am I Going to Make It?

These days, I find myself in a reflective mood as we are drawing closer to the end of this year. Generally, I look through my journal and make note of the victories, and the lessons, and meditate on the intention for the following year. I noticed that there were so many times this year when I asked myself this question," Am I going to make it?".

At the start of 2023, I found myself unemployed because I had decided to change my career but ended up at home to support my family through a time of sickness. This was the first time in my life that I wasn't actively striving toward a goal or fighting for some self-appointed cause. I am extremely goal-oriented and slow-paced life was not something that I was accustomed to and I felt a deep sense of shame. I found myself in a strange state of limbo where I felt as though nothing was happening but so much was happening at the same time. I contemplated what my purpose was and whether I would get to a state where life would restart. I am sure many of us have been in this restless state of dissatisfaction where you are not where you want to be whether it is your career, personal life, finance, etc.

In the midst of this existential crisis, I had to come to terms with the mortality of my family and the realities that I had to acknowledge as I entered into the role of a caregiver. The hands that once supported me were growing frail and in turn, they were reaching out for my support. It's funny how diseases like cancer and juvenile rheumatoid arthritis help you realize that the time that you have on this earth is numbered. It has helped me cherish my family no matter how imperfect they are. I watch intently and etch every memory into my brain and for the rest, I depend on the camera of my phone.

Though I have thought countless times whether I would make it as I repeatedly fell to my knees asking God for strength to overcome these situations, I would say that I have overcome each time. Though, I know that I am not where I want to be, I will surely make it there in time because that is who I am. I am someone who overcomes. I am an overcomer.