Not All Women are Meant to be Mothers

This post is dedicated to women around the world living vastly different experiences and navigating this life as powerful beings.

Celebrating women through every season

Motherhood is a beautiful and unique experience. I know this not because I am a mother myself but because I was born to a beautiful and strong mother. I value motherhood and respect mothers who give birth, nurture, and raise their children in this confusing world. It is not a task for the faint of heart. On the flip side , it might seem strange that a woman wouldn't want to or simply cannot partake in the beautiful experience of motherhood. So, to not to be a mother seems aberrant to society because there is an expectation that women should have children because it is their natural role. Most women including myself experience this pressure in some manner or the other.

In addition to this horrendous pressure, society often punishes women who don't conform to their conventional roles by isolating them or painting them as these lonely creatures who have wasted their lives away. They become the stigma and the cautionary tale, "Don't become crazy cat lady who lives alone with her million cats". I can you that the "cat lady" is living her best life.

To the Women who cannot have Children

Not all women can conceive. There are women who have physical or mental disabilities who are unable to have children due to limitations. I have conversed with many women who are unable to have children for various reasons. And you should listen to pain that these women carry with them. Some of them feel like failures because as women they are unable to carry out a "normal" function. They feel estranged, alienated and some of them are berated and tormented by their families and other members of the community. She experiences shame as a woman for something that is beyond her control. She is made to believe that she is something unnatural.

The woman who is free is a powerful woman

To the Woman who makes the Choice

Not all women want to have children. There are women who choose not to have children for various reasons such as trauma, career, finance, relationship status etc. Some women recognize that they don't have the capacity or the qualities to be a good mother. Motherhood is complex and it goes beyond providing safety and resources to children. It's about nurturing, teaching, disciplining and raising the young to become adults who are good people. Let's face it not every woman has these qualities.

Whatever the reasons are that a woman chooses not to have children, it is her choice to lead the type of life that she desires. It doesn't diminish her value as a woman and she is capable of living a fulfilling life. There are women in my family who didn't have children by choice and have gone ahead to live amazing lives.

The Woman in Me

As far as I can remember, I have never wanted to have a family. I don't have the desire to have children even though I am great with other people's kids. I love children. I am well aware of my own traumas and the greatest fear is that I would inflict the same to children whom are born to me. I am in my mid 30's and I have gone through the "am I missing out "and the "what if I am wrong" stages. I understand the feelings of disappointment that my parents probably experience.

Whoever I choose to be, I wish to be free

The truth is that I am content and I am open to whatever adventure life has to offer me as long as I am living it to the fullest. What I desire is a world that provides women the space to live out their truths without shame. A safe space where women can be many different things without judgment and societal limitations on what she can and cannot be. A safe space where there is support for her unique experiences and a world where she can be free. This is what I desire.