For the Fear of the Saree!

This is a weird confession! I am intimidated by sarees. There, I said it! Somehow, I had made it to my thirties and completely evaded the skill of tying one. Many reasons forced me to flee from the saree. The primary reason was that sarees represent the epitome of womanhood and femininity in India. You might think this is a great thing, but it isn't so great for someone who has struggled with their identity as a woman. During my childhood, I observed that entering womanhood was the same as losing your freedom. I hated the physical changes that accompanied puberty and resisted them for as long as I could to maintain my freedom.

Apart from the physical changes, it felt as though my every word and action began to be strictly scrutinized under the lens of womanhood. There was an emphasis on what the ideal woman was, and it was centered around becoming the ideal homemaker. There was no room for an athletic teenager who couldn't care less about getting tanned in the sun. Yes, I enjoyed the fact that I was rumbunctious and I didn't possess a graceful or timid bone in my body. And, I was continuously chastised for being built like a bull and possessing the stamina of a wild beast. I enjoyed showcasing my physical strength to people because I was unusually strong. This was opposite to the ideal, which was to be delicate, graceful, beautiful, soft-spoken, and obedient. Thus, I hated the saree because I believed that it forced me to embrace this distorted perception of femininity that was enforced upon me. I believed that womanhood represented subjugation, and if I embraced the saree, I would be forced to conform to this ideal of femininity, which I didn't fit into.

Well, my perception of womanhood is no longer the same, and I hold the power to define myself in whatever way I choose. I choose to model the type of woman I want to be. While many things may have changed, the prospect of tying a saree still intimidated me. It was high time that I changed this! At the beginning of 2022, I resolved to learn to tie a saree by Christmas and wear it to some event. I did it, and this photo serves as evidence of my victorious achievement. Not only did I tie my saree, but I managed to tie it for my sister as well!

Uff! Baby doll vibes!

Every time I wear a saree, I experience several mixed feelings. I feel an odd sense of vulnerability because there are intimate parts of my body that are exposed. I feel a sense of pride because it represents my country's traditions and culture. I feel extremely feminine and sensual at the same time. Also, I feel powerful because it commands a different kind of attention. To imagine that one piece of clothing could generate so many emotions in my mind. So, it is safe to say that after passing this hurdle, I am no longer afraid of a saree, and what was once cumbersome is now enjoyable. I feel connected to my culture as a woman and have confidently joined the ranks of Indian women who have embraced the powerful statement that lies in the saree.