What if I Stopped Chasing?

Sweat dripping down my face, gasping for air, relentlessly sprinting at full speed towards distant mirages. The mirage of a perfect career, the perfect relationships, the ideal partner, the ideal community etc. The urge to chase these mirages is so strong that often it turns into desperation. An unhealthy type of desperation that drives you forward at any cost. To compromise. To accept any consequence. At times, it costs us our physical and mental wellbeing and at other times, it is the cost of our relationships with others.

Operating from a state of desperation can drive us to make decisions that don't resonate with our values or morals leading us to a perpetual state of unhappiness. So, what happens when we stop chasing? What happens when we operate from a state of surrender, acceptance and state of flow. All, I can say is that once I stopped chasing, something powerful happened. In this post, I hope to share that impact that this decision not to chase had on my life and I hope that it would encourage you as the reader to make this choice for yourself as well.

Between 2019 and 2021, I made the most difficult decision in my life to stop pursuing a career in medicine. It had taken me almost a decade of my life to earn my medical degree and due to a twist in fate, I wasn't unable to move forward to get a postgraduate training. It wasn't for the lack of trying and during those years, I tried everything within my power to pursue this path. It was frustrating that I desired this so deeply and yet I couldn't reach it. I was suited to be a physician because I felt that I had the right combination of empathy, intelligence, personality and most importantly I loved it. So, when I encountered resistances and the doors kept slamming in my face to pursue this path, I was heartbroken.

I was brought to a place of humility and surrender and it was at this point I began to explore. Dr. Candida had become my identity so what happened if this title was stripped away from me. What was left behind? What was I supposed to do in this world if I couldn't practice as a doctor? It's interesting how much our identities in this society are intertwined with what we do rather than whom we are. Once I stopped chasing the ideal career, I had to confront this interesting dilemma. Who is Candida and is she less valuable if she didn't do anything? I discovered my own value as a multifaceted being and being a doctor wasn't my personality or purpose in this life. I was never one thing and I can be many things in this lifetime.

Once this hit me, I began my journey of self-exploration and discovered so many new aspects of myself. Since that time, I have worked as an hospital administrator, events manager, medical educator, data analyst and a project manager. I discovered that I was a creator. I explored art. I wrote. I started editing videos. I began to truly explore life as many things. My decision to stop chasing one path had led me to travel many different paths and most importantly, I was enjoying myself.

I must confess that there is a large amount of uncertainty that one faces when you choose to be grounded in stillness. The world becomes quiet and the fears creep in as you watch others around you racing towards milestones that you were once chasing. There are times that you begin to doubt yourself and wonder whether you have made the right choice. It does take courage but when you stop running, you find yourself gaining clarity on yourself and the world around you.

There are so many aspects of my life, where i have stopped chasing but there would require pages and pages and I don't want to unleash that on you for now. So, I will conclude that not chasing doesn't mean that you stop having goals or don't have drive or ambition. It means that you surrender when certain things don't go as you plan or expect. It means that you are open to the right experiences, relationships and places to find you that are truly meant for you.

Photo credit girl chasing car: Syaibatul Hamdi from Pixabay

Photocredit tree and water: bess.hamiti@gmail.com from Pixabay